GRAMMAR GURUS: Another set of parenthetical commas to spot and a non-finite clause ('ing' clause to you and me).
GRANNY'S GRAVE
Under the moonlight I can see the sight that stops your heart
I try to screem but terror takes the sound before you make it...
I have frozen as horror looks me straight into my eyes. Suddenly I'm paralized and nobody can save me from the beast that's about to strike!
Then when I unfroze, I walked into a room. I heard the door slam and realized that there was nowhere else to run. I felt a cold hand and, wondering if I would ever see the sun ever again, I closed my eyes. Hoping it was just my imagination, I could also hear a creature creeping up behind me. I put my hand to my head, praying. Then I was finally released when I started sprinting.
I looked back and then I saw a grave stone that said both my name and my Nan's! I said inside my head what the...
BANG! I fell. I tried to get up but something was holding me back! I looked down and it was my Nan eating my flesh!
Brilliant use of language here folks.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the sentence fragment here:
...wondering if I would ever see the sun again, I closed my eyes.
I was finding it difficult to sleep I was tossing and turning for what seemed like hours I turned and looked at my alarm clock and it was five thirty in the morning I looked over at the window and saw a shadow I looked behind me making sure nothing was there I called my dad he finally what is it I think there is someone outside my window dont worry it's probably a fox or something "no I'm preety sure it's a person" dad dad dad DDDAAADDD.! I went closer to the window and stared at the shadow, the shadow stared back then suddenly I screemed as she was dragged out the window
ReplyDeleteMy dad came in and saw blood all over the window he was also dragged out the window.He saw a picture of me he cryed no who would do this he saw what I saw from the cornor of his eye he prented he had never saw.He carryed on walking till he saw a a rusty,ancient,unused building as he was walking in he saw the same shadow that he ignored the universe told him to go back home he didnt listen
he heard gigling then the hairs on his neck began to stand yp one by one,he tryed to run.Eventually the shawdow come with two thing a hook and scratching the tempo was low it became louder,and louder,and louder the scratchin became stamping.
The shadow came rapidly spriting towards him all the doors slamed shut. My dad was pushed to the wall the guy had a blacked out coustume with a mask he remembered he had a... bat in the back of his trousers.He put both hands behind his back and WACK BOOM SLAM BANG the man was slowy falling to the ground.My dad took of the mask it was... A skull my dad smashed the window and escaped and went the same way that he came here back home,the man no longer had a shadow but he was still following My dad and when he went bed he was murderd ANOTHER FAMILLY TAKEN!
By Reece